Dispatches from the Neon Desert

2006-05-23T19:37:00.000-07:00

Haven't posted in a few days because work and life in general has been busy. Plus, with the last two posts about Twitboy I think I got him out of my system and bored myself at the same time. Ah, dear reader, I do know what you're thinking right now..."yeah right, after that comment that was posted." Yeah, quirky timing that, but it is what it is and perhaps that was what prompted me to post again finally. We believe what we want to believe and if we're not open to constructive criticism and comment, then why the dickens are we posting our thoughts and opinions where potentially millions of folks could read them or ignore them?

Just a quick aside about Twitboy...he's stayed out of my orbit since the last post and shock of shocks, actually complimented me in writing to Noah! The customer care program has been tweaked a bit and the construction managers have very defined boundaries of how they interact with my customer care team and the homeowners. If everyone behaves themselves and follows the plan, all our lives will be easier. Construction will have less to concern themselves with and my team continues on as they have with a few added duties. Several of Twitboy's issues, I feel, have been because he wants to run customer care his way, when he should focus his energy on building the houses in the first place. The current program doesn't allow him that latitude and the new modifications most certainly will not allow it. If he can give up his insistance on trying to control the things that he can't control, he could be so much happier. But isn't that one of the truths to life as well?

Work has been better these past few days and extremely busy, which helps to make it better and crazier. It's the end of the quarter, we have great incentives on our homes, have been selling like crazy and in return, we have to do the final dust and polish to get the homes ready for their final building inspections and then ready to be turned over to the homeowners.

Bearer has been adorably funny. He keeps asking me, "Why do you have to do that?" and I keep answering "Because it's my job" only to be countered with "But why can't someone else do it?" and I reply, "Because it's MY job." He just shakes his head and doesn't understand. Customer care in the past was always a department that was somewhere...out there...somewhere. Construction built the house, turned them over to the homeowners, and somehow the homeowner's concerns after they moved in gotten taken care of by someone else...somehow. It's a new experience to have construction and customer care so entertwined on the jobsite and in the same trailer. Bearer and I started working out together as construction managers. He understands what I'm not responsible for since I'm no longer building houses. It's just the concept of me being the person responsible for what used to be done by someone...out there...somewhere...that befuddles him for some odd reason. He's just so adorably funny.

Bearer lost his assistant today and won't be getting a replacement. He has less than two dozen homes to finish building in the next two months or so and once those are done, the subdivision will be done and he'll start a new one from bare dirt in another corner of Las Vegas. Since my desk is based in his jobsite trailer, guess who's being called on to help out. Yep. It's not MY job to help him, but he's my friend and my teammate so that does make it my job. When his assistant left the jobsite today, he turned to me and said "You know its just you and me building these houses now." I laughed and said, "Yeah, I know. So what's the game plan? Which house do you want me to start with?" Bearer is amazing to watch. He can build homes in his sleep because he's been doing this for so long. So why does he need me? I don't think he needs me for more than anything than reassurance or backup. Some help calling the subcontractors and making sure they show up and stick to the schedule and that'll be about it. Bearer will make it out to be a bigger deal than it is.

On the life side of things...it's past time to get geared up and back on the road. I've let work and six day weeks get in the way of things for too long now. The Las Vegas Marathon, 26.2 miles in all it's beautiful glory, is coming up way too soon...December 10th to be specific...and I need to get back into training. I did the full marathon last December and while I completed the distance, I would have liked the experience to have been easier. I had a great time up until mile 14 and then I got horribly sick and the last 12.2 miles were utter misery. I puked my guts several times, stopped and sat on the curb several times and nothing helped. In the end it was sheer determination that forced me to keep putting one foot in front of the other until I finally crossed the finish line. It was either something I ate for breakfast or something I ate along the course, something I didn't eat, didn't drink enough or drank too much. The last several miles I kept telling myself, "Never again. NEVER again." Then, I crossed the finish line, sat down, had a bottle or two of water and began feeling better within an hour. My mom flew in from California and met me at the finish. She thinks that I just had a bad case of nerves and stress because I felt so much better so quickly. In fact, about 20 or 30 minutes after I finished, all was forgiven and I was already planning on doing the marathon again this year. My mom's theory about nerves is probably correct. I ran two half marathons last year (Las Vegas in Jan 2005and Albuquerque, New Mexico in April 2005) and here I was ending the year by running the full baby. The half, at 13.5 miles, didn't seem to be any big deal, but I think I was in awe of 26.2 miles...it sounded so huge and humbling. I may have just let myself get scared. In the end I'm glad I didn't quit along the way and completed the course. My time wasn't what I'd wanted it to be, but so what? I finished the same distance that Olympic gold medalists have done. It took me a little longer, but we both completed a marathon. I'll never be able to run a five-minute mile, but hey, at least at my pace, I get to enjoy the scenery rather than watch it whizz by.

So, life is good. Work is going well and I'm getting back into training for the marathon. My goal this year is simply for the marathon experience to feel easier and finish a little quicker than last year. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to convince Bearer it's HIS job to show up at the finish line to give me a congratulatory hug. (and to cheer on the rest of the penguins).

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."
John "The Penguin" Bingham
(author of "The Courage to Start" and "No Need for Speed" - great books, read them even if you aren't interested in running)

Waddle on friends...

Politics again...

2006-05-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

Wow, today truly followed close on the heels of yesterday. I received the usual sort of phone call from Twitboy - lack of information provided, lots of barking, insistence that his orders be followed without question and insults directed to one of my subordinates whom Twitboy would like to throw off a very high cliff. I considered the source of the call and then phoned by subordinate to find out what really happened.

Basically it was a twisting of words, situation worked out and the homeowner was to be taken care of. I considered the matter settled and left it at that. Twitboy later called and wanted to know the resolution of the issue. I told him matter of factly that the issue had been addressed and the homeowner would be taken care of. I left it at that. He didn't need any further elaboration. Twitboy is a peer, not my superior. For his part, Twitboy seemed to require apologies, grovelling and constant assurances that my subordinates will be written up and are well on their way to immediate termination. and that I'll throw myself on the sword as a sign of support and teamwork. Twitboy seemed to push for all of the above or at least an admission that I should have called him back before he called me. I gave him nothing. It probably sounded like I didn't care to him. For my part when I am speaking with Twitboy, I work overtime to remain calm and noncommittal. Of course since he couldn't get the reaction out of me that he wanted he called my boss to complain.

My boss, Noah, then called me to find out what was going on. I told him the matter was handled and left it at that. He pressed for details and I provided them as I knew them. Noah expressed his frustration at feeling like he has to constantly referee squabbles between me and Twitboy. I actually laughed at him and told him I knew how he felt. I, too, am tired of meetings about Twitboy and that a few days ago I had to referee a squabble between two grown men over dividing a box of cleaning rags. I'll go to the freaking hardware store and buy another box of rags, it's not that big of a deal. Noah said that the only people who complain to him about Twitboy is me and the only people who complain about me and Errol (my subordinate and the other half of the rag dispute) is Twitboy. I gently corrected Noah - I have NEVER gone to him in person or on the phone to complain about Twitboy and he conceeded that was true.

Now, I have been around other coworkers and may have said something against Twitboy but I didn't start the conversation and others carried it on. I thought things said in the group stayed in the group. I didn't lie to Noah, I haven't gone directly to him with complaints about Twitboy. I never said I've never complained about Twitboy to others. It's a fine line, but there's still a line. Well, new rule for the week - I'm not talking to anyone about Twitboy again. It seems coworkers I thought I could trust, I can't. Things said in a group have gone back to Noah as being an individual statement on my behalf. I even wonder about Bearer. If he said anything to anyone, I know him well enough to know that in all likelihood, he was trying to defend me, to protect me, to be my knight in shining armor and said something out of innocence and not malice. I've needed to have a talk with Bearer for a few days now and looks like tomorrow will be the day. I appreciate what he's trying to do for me, but the poor dear has to leave it alone and let me fight my own battles. By trying to protect me and defend me, he's making me look weak and that's not helping me to feel secure in my current position.

But I digress, shades of yesterday's dispatch, but Noah began pressing me on the issue with Twitboy. Ah no, my dear, I am not going to put those nails in the coffin for you, lest they be sealing my own doom as well. I did allow that I feel that Twitboy takes every opportunity to insult me, told him that I consider the source and that I let it go. I did tell Noah that it seems to make Twitboy more upset because I don't give him the reaction he wants. I kept my voice and attitude light and made sure Noah understood that I'm not losing sleep or worry over Twitboy's behavior. I don't know if it was what Noah wanted or not. Was he relieved that I'm not letting Twitboy's nonsense distract me from doing my job or upset that I wasn't going to give him what he needed to nail Twitboy? I really didn't know how to read Noah.

Noah then began discussing having a meeting between all of us - Noah, Twitboy, Errol and me and expressed the hope that everyone could stay focused and businesslike and not fall into childish name calling and the like. I was all for the meeting - for the same reasons, let's just air out this nonsense once and for all and get Twitboy on the page. Errol and I are following the program as written. Twitboy wants to shred his copy of the program and do it his way. If he would stop putting so much effort into a lost cause and relax he would see that the customer care program would actually make his life easier and give him more time to focus on construction. Noah indicated that we might have the meeting today but it didn't happen. Maybe tomorrow. Whatever. I'm not worried. In fact I think the meeting will probably be highly entertaining if I can drag it out long enough. Twitboy can't keep a falsely cooperative game face for too long. It's in his nature to degenerate into nastiness in my presence and start spewing the superior attitude and insults. For my part, I can stay cool, calm and collected until the cows come home. It's pretty easy these days. I just imagine how much better life would be if he just didn't exist, as if he'd never been. And then when I begin thinking of a very handsome man close to me and how idyllic life would be if we could just lock ourselves behind closed doors for a few days...sigh.... Oh, was I just insulted? Hmmm...? Oh, I must have missed it...thinking of tanned, muscled arms, that odd little spot there...Twitboy, please be a dear and repeat it and I'll truly try to pay attention this time...those soft earlobes and this dip here...oh, that was the insult? Hmm, not one of your best, quite dull actually. Well, keep trying and I'll go back to the most delightful thoughts of....ummmm....feet here, hands there...the person who invented Twister was really quite a novel fellow.......

A Job Without Politics

2006-05-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

For Christmas I want a job that doesn't involve politics. My mom says it doesn't exist. I know, but it's still nice to fantasize about it though.

My current job involves working for a small division of a very large company. Our division is small and pretty close knit. It's really nice. But like any family, there's always that one relative... And I've got that one coworker.... He's got the reputation of being in tight with the higher ups and being the next golden child. One of the annoying aspects of his personality is that while the chain of command has some discretion, he does not. He has no problem telling everyone over and over how he's going to be the next one to be promoted, no question about it, it's already been decided and it's only matter of getting the current project further along and then he'll get his promotion. While I can just roll my eyes at his delusions of grandeur and move on with life, he's a challenge in other aspects. He just loves to put the blame for all his mistakes on everyone else. Sometimes it feels like we've elevated throwing people under the bus to an Olympic sport and Twitboy is the gold medalist. I guess I've gotten so used to such behavior from him, that I don't even blink any more. Following a bunch of nonsense at work, I was transferred from being an assistant construction manager to a customer care rep and then, two and a half weeks later, customer care supervisor in charge of three people and four subdivisions. The initial move was viewed by all as a demotion and Twitboy was so gleeful that he couldn't stand himself. Then...came the redemption and the promotion just a short time later. It chaps his hide so much and he has since spent entirely too much time focusing on getting rid of me that he can't focus on his own job. Now Twitboy's throwing a version of a tantrum by insulting me every chance he gets both in public and on the phone. I know what he's doing and therefore I simply ignore his subtle and not so subtle insults. It just makes him angrier and frustrated when he sees he can't get any sort of reaction out of me. He's so obvious, petty and childish that I just laugh at him most of the time.

I do get frustrated when I look at Twitboy and his childish behaviors and then look at the chain of command. I want to ask everyone up the chain what they see in him in terms of potential because all I seeing is a lying, ass-kissing, conniver and I really would like to try and see what they see.

Here's where my wish for a job that doesn't involve politics comes in... Twitboy has made some blunders in recent weeks. The sorts of things he can no longer blame on anyone else, but sure is trying. In regards to the things he was caught on, he treated them with a mock sincerity but at the same time he had an attitude that he'd gotten away with a good joke. He should have been written up for his indiscretions but whether he was, or if he's the blessed child and was simply patted on the head and sent on his way, I do not know.

I'm being told that managment has opened their eyes and they're distancing themselves from Twitboy and that on his own, in the course of a couple weeks, has ruined everything he worked for (kissed ass for) and that his head's on the chopping block. It's getting back to me that one of the reasons my workload is being increased by management is that they want to push me to the breaking point so I'll fight back and say something about Twitboy so that my words, can be the final nails in Twitboy's coffin. They're just waiting for me to make the move...so I'm being told. I told the bearer of this load of balderdash that if "they" want me to say something about Twitboy, it's not going to happen any time soon, not from me. Twitboy...I just ignore him and work around the roadblocks he puts in the lane and treat it like a child's game.

As for going to management every time Twitboy insults me? Good lord almighty, if my feelings were that fragile, no work would get done. I'd be on the phone whining to my boss about my hurt feelings half the day. The Bearer of the News, bless him, is a friend that I love and trust, but...he just doesn't understand my concern that in bringing this guy down, I may bring myself down. The Bearer tried to convince me last night that my position is solid and I have a lot more support up the ladder than I realize. Sorry guys, but until my nice new job title is followed up with a very large pay raise, I'm not feeling all that solid.

In terms of my increased workload, I'm looking at it like a great challenge. I want to see how much I can do, how much I can handle. I've got a lot more to prove to myself than to prove to others. So baby...bring it on! Give me even more to do. Make sure Twitboy programs my number into a single digit on the cell phone so he doesn't have to waste valuable time scrolling through the names on his menu until he gets to mine to make that six-times a day whine and insult call.

Have a great day and keep me posted on any jobs you know of that don't involve politics.

The Release of a Friendship

2006-05-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

I gave away a friendship this week. Let it go back to the universe from whence it came. At first it seemed Prudence (not her real name, of course) and I were great friends. We’d talk, laugh, share for hours. We shut down many a restaurant. The wait staff would stop refilling our water glasses and then the music and air conditioning would be turned up in an effort to get us to leave so they could close up and go home. It got to be quite a joke with us. We knew what they were doing and would stay longer simply to annoy the restaurant personnel who were always too polite to simply suggest we take our conversation to Denny’s or some other establishment that operated 24-hours a day.

Then, something happened and I don’t know what it was. More and more time passed between conversations and get-togethers. When we did talk, there was less laughter, less sharing. The conversation centered around Prudence. I would get about three minutes to talk about what was going on in my life and then she’d change the subject right back to herself. She didn’t want to hear stories about my life, my family, my job, other friends and co-workers yet I was expected to listen to hours of stories about her co-workers. Where we’d shared deep secrets before, suddenly our conversations were limited to surface non-issues. We’d gone from what felt like a deep sisterhood to idle cocktail party talk. When we got together in person, she would be constantly looking at her cell phone to see who’d called. To add insult, she’d openly be checking her email on her cell phone when I was trying to talk to her.

Time would pass with great absences between contact, where my emails or phone messages were not returned. Then, she’d call and act as if it had only been a day since we’d last talked. It would seem as if everything would be going back to normal, like it was in the beginning. I’d think it had just been a phase that she’d had to work out but didn’t want to discuss and I’d pick up and go back to our previous friendship. Then, we’d get together to go shopping or out for a meal and there it was again...the non-stop phone/email checking. Movies and concerts that we’d anticipated, talked about going to together would be events that she’d do with someone else and tell me about later, and then if I only specifically asked, "hey, when are we going to go see such and such?" I’d get a breezy, "Oh, I already saw that with so and so." Or, "I already bought tickets for me and so and so." When we did get together, I’d have the definite impression that she’d only booked a precise amount of time for the event and once that limit was reached, it was time to leave. I was always left with a "brushed off" feeling that wasn’t at all pleasant. If you want to be in my company, then BE in my company. If my presence irritates or annoys you, then why are you bothering to invite that stress into your life? If you don’t want to spend time in my company, don’t. It’s just that easy.

I’ve gotten tired of feeling like I’m being invited into Prudence’s life only as an afterthought, that I’m to be talked to, visited, only when there’s nothing else to do, nothing on tv and no one else to call, as if I’m the interchangeable cog in the engine. Lest you think that a sexual relationship is involved, stop thinking that. This was all purely platonic. I am a certified, card carrying, man loving heterosexual.

I’m beyond tired of always feeling like I’d done something to piss her off, feeling like I had to apologize for something and beg forgiveness for it. Prudence would never say anything, never criticize anything, but still that feeling lingered for me. My feeling? If I’ve done something or said something to annoy you...tell me. I probably said something without thinking and didn’t realize the consequences of my words. I may have said something as a joke without realizing the words hit too close to home, went too deep for comfort, were about something that shouldn’t be joked about. If you don’t tell me, I may not realize that I hurt you and may repeat the behavior again out of innocence.

So, after another very long silence where my phone calls and emails were not returned, I’ve given away this friendship. Over the past several months, I did get two sentence-long emails that essentially said "I’m busy but will be in touch." But, I know through her own web site that Prudence hasn’t been so busy that she lost touch with her other friends and has been on trips with them. And that knowledge brings back the feeling that I’m good enough to be included only when there’s nothing else to do, no one else to play with.

So I’m done. It was a friendship in the beginning but it isn’t any longer, now it’s simply an acquaintance and probably less than that. I can tell you more about what’s going on in the lives of my coworkers. It sounds sad and yet my soul is released. I’m not holding onto the memories and the feelings any longer. I release the friendship to the universe. I’ve always believed people come into our lives for a reason. She did help me to grow in many positive ways. I hope I had some positive influence on her life as well. Some friendships are meant to endure and some aren’t. I hope the universe treats her well.

On Friendship

2006-05-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

It is not friendship if we cannot stand to see our friends succeed where we have failed.

Our friends not only know all about us, but they take the huge leap of loving us despite it.

The only place you may be completely stupid and enjoy getting away with it is in the company of your best friend. Anywhere else would be fatal to your character or relationship.

A day spent in the company of a close friend is like a mini-vacation or a cause for celebration.

The most satisfactory form of intoxication comes not through wine but from being in the company of friends.